Saturday, February 5, 2011

A Moment of Transperancy

Hey everybody!

Just wanted to check in and give you an update. This candid, unscripted, unedited version of my journey is brought to you by pure emotion and is underwritten by trial and circumstance.

Today I'm tired. I simply want to throw in the towel. I have lost more than I wanted to lose, I have given more than I've had to give, I have sacrificed on credit...I'M DONE! Yes, the optimistic, motivational, inspirational...I'll go at all costs - ME is having a moment. The tears flow even as I type these words.

What's wrong you say?

I am in a place that we have all found ourselves at times. I'm on the road of promise...clearly the light is green yet I'm stuck in the middle of the intersection on reality boulevard and the gas in my vehicle of hope is on "E". The whole time I'm sitting here praying for two things 1) that I don't give out of gas before I can cross the street and 2) that whatever is blocking me will move before the light changes and I get plowed by the unyielding Stress Utility Vehicle that keeps blowing it's horn at me.

So what do I do? I start blowing my "horn" in frustration (as though that's really going to solve anything). But as I do, I also whisper a prayer...

Lord, please help me to hold out. If I can just get past this road block...please God, don't let my hope fail. Honestly, I'm afraid and I have no idea how this is going to turn out, but I'm trusting You to help me endure.

A lot of people don't like to talk about how frightening and unsure, lonely and disappointing this process can be. But allow me to bless you with the truth...opportunity not only costs, it's EXPENSIVE; and most times it comes at the expense of all that is SURE in your life. Everything becomes muddled and you have this looming sense of falling into the black whole of failure.

I'm still determined though. Just thought I'd give you a bit of truth to let you know I'm still human.

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