Sunday, June 12, 2011

T Minus 7 days!!! - What do you really look like?

"Introspection can return a reflection that bears no resemblance of the mental image that we carry of ourselves."
In honor of my birthday, every year I take inventory of my life. I evaluate every aspect and leave no area unturned.  Do you do that too? I hear that most people reflect in some type of way. Me...I don't just reflect, I dissect every nook and cranny of my being in this intense introspection that usually leaves me speechless to say the least. 
Thanks to the wonderful world of social networking I was able to add to that introspection a complete review of some of my most heartfelt statements, declarations, joys, pain, and subliminal passageways into my inner most thoughts. I pulled my FaceBook time line tonight and went back to last year on this very day. As I scrolled through the words I was amazed at how much growth I've experienced. But if I may be real for a moment, I was also disappointed. Why, you ask? Well, it kinda goes like this...
We all carry around this mental picture of ourselves. The "us" that we strive to be and that we present to others. You know the representative that you send out in public to "act" on your behalf. Then we have that inner person who is somewhat like that mental image however the inner you is the "relaxed and natural -when I'm home with the family or out with the girls" "you". Hmph, we do a good job of "multi-tasking" our personalities don't we? The thing is there's one more level to that...there's the real you. The person who is consumed by all of the other pieces and has to crazy glue the fragments of the shattered emotions that your "mental picture person" couldn't handle.
I was disappointed because when I looked back over some of the words that I shared I could see the very point that my hope had a stroke and the heart monitor began to display weak signs of life. I saw how deeply affected I was by circumstances and situations and how I allowed them to throw me off track. I could see where I lost my voice and began to plan to give the sign to "pull the plug". Yes, at a certain point I let go a little. I stopped fighting. I was so overwhelmed by my reality that my faith had grown weary and weak. I became this feeble minded person that I don't even recognize. 
The humorous side to all of this is that at a certain point I literally thought my page had been hacked because "surely these were not my words".
So, family and friends, as I prepare to close out the 31st year of my life here is (some of) what introspection has taught me…
1.        I simply can not do this alone. God has blessed me with some wonderful friends that I could not have picked for myself. Thank you to each of you that have held me accountable, encouraged me, prayed for me, challenged me, let me cry, let me be real without ever judging me and most importantly without walking away.
2.        Pride has no place in my process. Strength is revealed through your ability to accept the truth of your situation, breathe through whatever emotion it presents, accept whatever responsibility you have in it and DEAL WITH IT appropriately.
3.        Faith is not something I feel, it’s something I KNOW! Feelings are futile and even when I don’t feel good about my process my confidence has to be in the promise of my future. Heck, if our lives were determined by how we felt about everything we’d all be doomed.
4.        Everything that I can do for someone else I CAN do for myself. My talents, resources, skills, knowledge, and abilities do not only work when I’m working for someone else…they work for me too! (Don’t act like you haven’t been in that place where you can work magic for EVERYBODY ELSE, but when it comes to producing those results for yourself you act like you don’t know what to do. Ok, fine…keep looking like you don’t know what I’m talking about.)
5.        You can have all the talent in the world, but if you DO NOT BELIEVE IN YOUR TALENT your success will go no further than the couch! (And that’s all I have to say about that!)
If you have some time I encourage you to pull your own social networking timelines…I guarantee you you’ll learn some things about yourself. I’d love to hear about them ;-)

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